I didn´t expect to be so inspired by my own work long gone past. But listening to “fäänä: pathétique” reminded me of the pure joy of music making — not just as a composer but as a singer, instrumentalist and producer. The EP sure is wild in its solutions and expression. I honestly didn´t remember having had such an artistically free moment before as it is typical of me to always look forward and reject the past.
For some time already I have been working on a quartet with bass clarinet, strings and piano. Yes, I like the music a lot. But for some reason — after revisiting pathétique — I am starting to feel that my heart is telling me to look somewhere else. I feel the inspiration rising when I think about creating a new pathétique of sorts but clearly in my new art music aesthetics. At the same time I feel the quartet is starting to head under the header: “Music you are supposed to do.”
Well, I have a long history of eventually doing precisely the opposite than what I am supposed to do. Here I go again! Yes — why couldn´t a serious composer also be a singer-songwriter and a musician? Why couldn´t I compose also for the purpose of getting to go to the studio and record also my own singing and playing and enjoying it immensely? For years I have thought the musicianship would not be important to me. After listening to pathétique I stand corrected and feel I have neglected something vital.
So I am already planning a new concept. I will probably take a break from the bass clarinet quartet. I will probably create a multiple movement work and from the beginning arrange it so that every single track can be recorded in a studio — without using pro samples at all. In a world that is driven by computers right at this moment I feel I want to take my music to a more natural direction. Of course I have always been a fan of studio techniques and plan on remaining like that, but the actual tracks — I want them to be audio tracks from the beginning. Not midi or pro sample instrument tracks. To create powerful music and soundscapes with audio tracks, to let oneself run free not only as a composer but as a musician… This is something.
To get to open up my vocal chords I might even take some singing lessons again! I am also thinking about buying an electric cello. I do have a bowed bass and a 5-string violin with a low C string (same as viola) but a cello would be a lovely addition. With my aerophone, piano and acoustic guitars there is already a lot to compose for and play. Then to have some studio musicians on top of it. To get to sing! To really focus on composing something for my voice, concentrate on doing it well — and not just record something in a rush “because I am a composer, not a musician”.
I feel inspired!